Once more
Sitting alone and trying to figure out my thoughts (as usual) and again I can’t, too much things in my head are just walking around 
I should start to think about THESIS work, but.. pfff, I have another plans, and I am just sitting and waiting for something that never can happen, that somebody will give me some idea about it, I want something unique, something innovative, that nobody have done yet, but still sitting and doing nothing, even research is so hard work for me 
beeeee, bad me, I am bad bad girl *go to the corner* heh, again U see when I am trying to concentrate and think, my thoughts are living its own life.
Anyway Levi and snowboarding and skiing and my company were so Great, Great, Thanks God, that I had such good weekend, I am sure that if this did not happen, I would just sleep all weekend again..
My body is full of blue things… and soon it will be Finnish Independence Day Party and my dress is waiting for me, and my legs look so awful now, need some massage.. STOP! It is not post of complaining! 
wait… one thing more —> the weather is really shit! how come it is melting again! and tomorrow for sure it will be frozen!!! pffff, long way to bus stop! During whole day I am watching one movie, actually very good movie, but i cannot sit on one place for a long time! The movie is about group of collegues who are actually “black – diggers”(if exactly from russian, I dont know the word in english), they are searching for some stuff from Second World war (some medals, guns, etc.) and then selling it to the black market without any respect to dead people, but then… puuuff, one moment and they are back to past, and they are these soldiers and they are participating in war… so quite interesting movie, I think i will finish it tonight.
Tomorrow – work, oooh, and soon is re-exam and again i am hoping that somebody will learn it instead of me how come it is not happening, i dont know 
I want own snowboard and to go each weekend to the slopes, and try to make some flips, but not flips to my ass or to my face *yeah yeah i had this bad experience* that I looked like somebody rapped me
Trying to keep my good mood and just smiling and smiling and laughing, but sometimes i want to sit somewhere and just listen music and chill out from everything and everybody
but I <3 my friends , and I want to spend more and more time with them
Now I think I got my crazy idea about something and I will reach it , but it will stay as secret, just some belief Do not forget about idea, heh, last days I have so bad memory =( hm
Summer and other things
First of all I need to know, why I am becoming so lazy and romantic, this is not leading to good things for me for sure, pfff, i don’t know anything!! this summer is messing my head totally, and i do not know how to clean it from all shit which is inside there… I need to find button – restart, and then…maybe.. it will be better…. still, not normal summer, I need sun, I need fun and a lot of dancing and clubbing around.. and i am just sitting and watching anime with some romantic stuff… pfff…. i am becoming so sensitive… it is so beeeee to hear from me.. Stop, Nastya… maybe i am becoming crazy? or maybe I am already whole my life, but it is another form… because around me not so many people, and I like to be in company, to speak a lot and to laugh a lot and to sing a lot by my shitty voice, but still, i like it, and that’s all!
Less than in two weeks it will be two months of my practical training… mdaaaa…. Linux, Linux, noway if u will use Microsoft Windows, the Sky will curse you… WTF!? I already start to know how to use computer through terminal doing all commands there, maybe I dont need even user interface, just black screen , console and that’s all,,, Crazy, crazy….about this everything… Next week i will go to bar and i will sit there till closing and maybe more! UUUUUhhh, it is not me now…. Another reality, adult life with work? hahahaha….
I am already fed up of all new movies, and i am returning back to old ones… So good, so excellent and without happy – ends, how I like it!
One month… Just wait one month, and I will be back and normal ))
Anyway I LOOOOVE my computer even with this Vista inside, maybe Linux??? but not now…. too much Linux staff for me… sometimes it just doesn’t want to work with me, how come? hmm *sad face*
Curtains, anime and Linux are in my head for the moment…
OMG, again I need to get up so early and to run to the bus…. because i am always late… in last one minute, i am jumping to the bus…
tsss… for this summer too much buses… i need own car, for sure… I cant park… the problem…Driving license….dreams…
let’s see
PS already tired of this blog, but still writing something…human nature…
optimistic sleepy me
Come and save me…
I <3 this song! I dont know why, but it is sooooo fucking good, in my opinion
Morandi – Save me
When I’m with you
Everything seems better
Now I know
I see it all today
We were ment to be together
I’m in pain when you’re away
Refren:
Come and save me
I’m loosing my touch
Day after day
Cause I miss you so much
Come on and save me
I’m loosing my mind
Waiting and waiting
For you to be mine
Come and save me
From me… me…
Come and save me
From me… me…
When I’m with you
Everything seems better
Now I know
I see it all today
We were ment to be together
I’m in pain when you’re away
Refren:
Come on and save me
I’m loosing my touch
Day after day
Cause I miss you so much
Come on and save me
I’m loosing my mind
Waiting and waiting
For you to be mïne
2x
Come and save me
From me… me…
Come and save me
From me… me…
During night
All the time I have a lot of plans, especially when weekends are coming, but then… something happend…booom…. and no wish for everything…. Just nothing…. inside – outside… Lazy… lazy mood for everything,,, i should kick it and send this mood to hell, but WTF, again and again I am doing the same thing – I am doing nothing… Angry of myself, of world! Mdaaa, change yourself, or go back to ur previous condition,,, Nope, nope and nope again! Angry angry, i am pissed off and that’s all
A little bit sad – maybe… Pfff, what to do… This shitty weather is killing me, I need sun, I am waiting for sun, like a stupid flower
Mdaaa, hit urself on the wall
Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, i am pissed again and again but doing nothing against this. Stop… break… pause in brain working, but really this pause is going on for a long time since january… Ai – ai -ai, I am starting to loose myself…
Crazy crazy crazy me
Music – Craig David vs Bob Sinclair : Hot stuff vs World Hold On
Where is me???? Where is this fucking mood for doing everything???
S
T
O
P
!!!
The beginning of new week – the beginning of new life – the beginning of doing everything???
Let’s see
*optimistic & active and full of life Nastya is awaken*
BEWARE =)))
Somewhere over the rainbow
Silence…
Heaven holds a sense of wonder… (c)
Maybe I am just stupid, because I am repeating each time my mistakes, but it’s ok, the person by the nature is the masochist *for memory, for future*
Maybe I should just stop on this, and stop writing anything, just press “Delete blog” or “Delete Post” and that’s all… and I will keep everything in myself and continue smiling and making view that i will never have sad mood in whole my life…
Maybe I should just change myself, but how? Person who will change himself is not anymore honest person, but as I said before all life is big theatre where we should smile all the time, but life is like this – Life is smile even when tears are flowing on the cheeks…
Maybe i should just make some conclusions from everything, and just dont repeat them, but I will, I WILL, because i am not going to change myself, and world is not going to change itself or be changed by one person…
I can’t hold it all in
if you won’t let me…(c)
Maybe i should just listen music, and music will save the world and me… But “Music sounds better with You“(c)
Here is something which sounds better with my mood for today…
We are saying that life is beautiful and we are going to shop to buy new bottle of vodka…
We love loneliness, but we are keeping all the time in our hands mobile phones…
We are sure that we are absolutely quiet and we are taking the next cigarette…
We can surprise people, but we are afraid to say “Love you“…
We do not trust in love and at night we are crying in a pillow…
We do not trust in ideal people and every day in a crowd we are looking out for the ideal…
We are always saying what we think, but we have almost forgot to smile SINCERILY…
We want people accept us as what we are, but during few hours we stick out in front of a mirror…
We always achieve what we want, but we are afraid that nobody need us…
We are writing the personal diaries and we want that others will read them…
Sakura…
Tomorrow
So strange… just to sit in the silence… 2 months left, but i am still so lost, everything seems to be the theatre and we are just actors here, you should smile when you want to cry, you should cry when you want to smile, so strange feelings, you are jumping from one side to opposite and you can’t find right decision of everything… ” Just be youself… ” It sounds very easy, but in life it is completely different
Pff, 2 months left… Russia… what do i feel when i am hearing this word? I don’t know why but now during this year it doesn’t associate with the word: “home”, so strange in Russia I usually say this strange phrase – I am going home… to Kemi, to Finland, but in another side when I am in Finland, i am saying : Oooh, tomorrow I am going home to Russia, so where is my home? In these moments I feel like homeless.
I am already missing my friends… 1 day, I cannot imagine what will happen with me when I will graduate and when all my friends will go in different ways in different sides of this big world.
It is so good to be crazy like me Not like insane, just crazy in my own way: I am not crazy, just my reality is different than yours Smile, smile, smile – the one solution when you feel good or you feel bad!!!!!!
Nobody knows it, but you’ve got a secret smile … And you use it only for me
Everybody is leaving…
AND I FOUND MY DECISION FOR THIS NIGHT – CARTOONS with strawberry jam and *what else i can find in my flat* AND daaaaaance daaaance in darkness =)
ok, let’s start =)
ok, i don’t want to start from usual introduction like name, interests and bla bla bla, my english is not so perfect for creating some special poems and compositions, just i will let it stay like this and maybe when i will have suitable mood i will change my first post =)
